


Had Enough of Love

by Faeruy



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 13:57:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20875361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faeruy/pseuds/Faeruy
Summary: Overworked and underappreciated, Warden Commander Faleni Mahariel has been having a rough time of things. One rainy day sees a visitor she doesn't expect, and isn't entirely welcome. Very loosely inspired by Adele's "Right as Rain", and features a romanced, but unhardened Alistair.





	Had Enough of Love

"Excuse me, Commander?" Nathaniel's voice was uncharacteristically timid. Faleni Mahariel looked up from her desk and saw his black hair poking around the door to her office.

"What is it?" Inwardly, she winced at the sound of her own voice. Too harsh, too croaking, too... everything.

"Someone's here to see you." The archer opened the door wider and stepped aside to reveal Alistair in full royal regalia. It glistened wetly, and he sent a spray of droplets in her direction as he took off his helm. She glanced at the window behind her. It was pouring rain; she was so engrossed in her work she hadn't even noticed the sound of it against the stone. She turned back to Alistair. He wore that same sheepish grin he always wore, the one she was intimately familiar with. He hadn't changed.

"Commander." He saluted, his voice irreverent as it ever was.

"Alistair." She replied, deliberately leaving out his title. She was a Grey Warden and Dalish; she was beholden to no king. "Nathaniel, you may leave us." The dark Warden nodded his head once, and retreated from her office, shutting the door behind him. She walked around to the front of her desk and leaned against it. Alistair continued to stand awkwardly, running a hand through his damp hair. She idly wondered if he was trying to grow it out on purpose, or if he was just lazy. Her bet was on the latter. He cleared his throat, and she realized he was waiting for her to make the first move.

"What brings you here? Don't you have a kingdom to run or something?" She folded her arms across her chest and looked down her nose at him. He flushed slightly; it was a cute look. She wasn't going to let it affect her today. "Why don't you sit down?"

"Thanks." His knee brushed against hers as he took a seat in the nearest chair. "I'm fine, Anora's got everything under control."

"Ah, right. Of course she does. How is your little queen, by the way?" Another inward since; that came out much cattier then she intended. She really didn't mind Anora. Much.

"She's fine." He muttered noncommittally. "Look, Faleni, I just... I had to see you. It's been too long."

"I'll say. The last time I saw you I had just cleared a bloody pack of darkspawn from the Keep. Fantastic first day on the job, I must say. Oh right, and what did you do? Just patted me on the back and left again immediately. It really has been too long." Dread Wolf, she hadn't slept in three days and it showed.

"Faleni..."

"Why are you here Alistair? Do you need something from me?"

"I...I..."He stuttered quietly.

"For the love of the Creators, wha..." Faleni didn't get to finish the thought; Alistair roared up from the chair and grabbed her face with both hands. Hazel eyes bore into hers for just a moment, and before she could react, his lips were pressed against hers, hungry and insistent. Faleni felt herself go weak, but whether that was from lack of sleep or his kiss, she wasn't sure. Almost as quickly as it happened, it was over. He pulled away; his hazel eyes searching hers, filled with concern and hope. 

Faleni didn't hesitate. Her hand flew across his face with an audible smack.

"Owww!" He whined, his hand went to his cheek. "I suppose I deserved that, didn't I?" He prodded the spot where she slapped him, his hurt expression turned comical. Fen'Harel, she'd missed those stupid faces. But she wouldn't let him charm her again.

"Damn right you did. How dare you? You said that you wouldn't be unfaithful to your queen, and that we were over. What in the Void do you think this is?" Her hands gripped the edge of the desk so hard her knuckles turned white. She saw his expression harden as he realized she wasn't going to play.

"This? I thought this was what you wanted. Me as a king, you as my mistress." Alistair practically spat out the word. "And right... Anora as queen so you could tear off on your own whenever you wanted. Fine. You can have what you want. Me? All I ever wanted was you. No Anora, no kingship, just the Grey Wardens and you. Because I love you." He loomed over her, forcing her to lean back until she was practically sitting on the desk. Faleni shivered; hearing those words from him never failed to affect her. It would have been so easy to believe they could work.

"Then why wouldn't you let me stay?"

"Because I couldn't!" He broke away from her. The spell was gone, and she let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. He paced across the room. "Dammit Faleni, I'm not you. You seem to think it's so easy to be married to someone, and be in love with someone else, but it's not. Not for me. I couldn't let you stay. Not with Anora as my queen."

"Not with anyone, Alistair. According to you, the only way I could have stayed was if I was Queen. Do you really think your people would let that happen? I'm Dalish. An elf. A second-class citizen to the shemlen. I came up with a solution that worked for all of us and you blamed me for it." Faleni's heart still raced from adrenaline, she took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself. Alistair stopped pacing, and threw himself back into the chair he vacated.

"A solution that worked for you, you mean. I didn't want to be King." He said, rubbing his temples.

"And I didn't want to be a Grey Warden. We all make sacrifices."

"You really love to over complicate things, don't you? First it was that whole; 'only another elf could really understand me' thing that you had going with Zevran..."

"I chose you, didn't I?"

"...not before dicking us both around. And then everything that happened at the Landsmeet, and after... Maker, you even convinced me sleep with Morrigan, of all people!"

"I was trying to save the world, remember? Ferelden was tearing itself apart, and I was trying to prevent that from happening, despite not giving a rat's ass about shemlen politics. Even then, you came damn near to fucking it up again. You think Anora would have married you if you killed her father? No, and then where would we be? I killed Loghain, Alistair, for you. If things were complicated, you certainly did not make my life any easier." Faleni sighed, and flopped down in the chair next to him. "You're still not helping things." Alistair looked up, turning his head towards her.

"There's someone else, isn't there?" He said accusingly.

"What?"

"Who is it? That son of Howe? How about that scruffy mage I saw? He's rather you type, I think. Who is it?" His hands dug into the arm of his chair, and he looked like he wanted to punch someone. Faleni laughed; a harsh, derisive bark.

"Let me tell you, Alistair, what I'm dealing with here. I am the Arl of Amarinthe; the steward of the land and citizens, who by the way, hate me because I'm an elf. I am the Warden-Commander, in charge of rebuilding the Ferelden Wardens basically from scratch. And who am I in charge of? That scruffy mage is about two seconds away from taking off; I swear, the only thing keeping him here is his damn cat. The son of Howe doesn't trust me because I killed his father and he's forever mooning over the ex-Keeper who is the kind of elf that gives the rest of the Dalish a bad name. I have a suicidal dwarf, and a corpse. And Oghren. Everyone else, everyone I trusted to have my back? Leliana, Sten, Zevren, Wynne, Shale... Morrigan? They're gone. There's a pack of darkspawn on my ass, and these sorry excuses for Wardens are the people I have to work with. I haven't slept in three days, so you know what Alistair? No, there is not someone else. I'm tired. That's it. That's all there is. You coming here, and telling me that you love me? That's just one more headache that I don't have the time or energy to deal with."

They sat side-by-side in silence for a long time. Both stared straight ahead; neither one of them could look at the other. In the quiet, they could hear the raindrops on the windowsill in the grey afternoon.

"I'm sorry." Alistair said quietly, without looking at her.

"Me too." She said, exhausted.

"You used me, you know. I loved you, and you used me."

"I know. And I'm sorry. It broke my heart. But I didn't have a choice. Not if I wanted us to survive."

"No, I guess not."

"And I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"I still love you." He said, turning his head to look at her, his eyes large and wet with unshed tears.

"And I love you." She reached over and caressed his cheek with her hand; the cheek that still burned red from her slap. "But it's not enough. I can't do this. I've spent to many nights crying myself to sleep. I'm done. We're done. I'd rather be alone than put myself through that again." She dropped her hand and sighed. Alistair got up slowly, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Done then. Then I guess I should be going." He reached out his hand to her. She took it gratefully and he hauled her up so they were roughly on the same level. "Goodbye Commander. I look forward to hearing about your progress here."

"Goodbye your Majesty." Faleni said. They looked at each other for a long moment, then Alistair pulled her into an embrace. She rested there for a moment, her head on his chest, and let herself pretend it could be for forever. For just a little while. Slowly, reluctantly, they let go, and Alistair left the room without another word.

Faleni went to the window and stared out of it, watching the rain come down. She watched as King Alistair and his retinue exited the Keep and start on the journey back to Denerim.

"Dareth shiral, emma vhenan." She whispered as the rain enveloped him, cutting him off from her sight. She did not cry; there were no tears left.


End file.
